Broken Wings

Chapter Four – Jozokas was suddenly in the room, pulling Kayen against him. Ky simply glanced in their direction before turning to look at me and Jamia. As soon as ...

Oh, I think the beginning is much better! Again, must say this story is wonderful. I can't wait until the second chapter! Good luck, and keep writing (the second chapter)~! ...

Dashing through the trees I could smell his scent intoxicating me. It wrapped around me, covering every part of my body. I breathed it in and closed my eyes, letting ...

Also the ending seemed a little unexplained. I was curious as to whether she was dreaming that she visited her grave while she was drinking the wine in her home? ...

Ooo, thanks for all the critique and compliments! There were several mentions that the beginning was...out of place, so to say. But, is it really? :? I really like the ...

Chapter Two — I could hear the teacher lecturing the class, but everything she said was flying right over my head. I wasn’t even trying to pay attention- I was ...

I think everyone else got everything...but it was lovely. I love the imagery... and nice vocab.

Thank you, Writersdomain :D I will get to work fixing what you have pointed out. I never really thought about things like that, mostly because no one has ever mentioned ...

Chapter One – I reached for the shelf, trying to pull the book out. Finally my fingers gripped the spine and I pulled it out only to have myself being ...

Chapter Two – I stared at Sanji’s pants, the silence weighing down on me like a sack of flour. Sanji was staring at Lilli’s purple dress, who was in turn ...

Chapter One – “Valeria!” She was standing only a few feet away from me. I could see her black silky hair and I reached out to stroke it. But the ...

Good enough excuse for me. Ten words? Wait 'til you have to memorize half the dictionary for the SAT's. But still, it would mess me up, too. Eep .____. now ...

Chapter Two/Part One— For a moment it seemed like nothing moved, nothing breathed. Finally the dragon shifted its mass and swung its tail around, lowering it near me. I finally ...

Quote: It definitely wasn’t the grime we had last night. Grime was a basic food for slaves and peasants like me. You have ‘grime’ two times. I know, I wasn't ...

Yeah, I was thinking that too, but I have no idea how to explain her...I'm not even sure what she looks like all that much, because I wrote it in ...